October 11, 2004
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~All I know from my own experience is that the more loss we feel, the more grateful we should be for whatever it was we had to lose. It means we had something worth grieving for. The ones I'm sorry for are the ones that go through life not even knowing what grief is ~ Frank O'Connor
Boy, talk about a cold comfort - the thought that we should be grateful we're not like those poor folks who've never loved anyone this much. But I do know I wouldn't trade with them - wouldn't trade the years I enjoyed with him to be free of the pain - at the cost of never having known Bob at all. No, thats not a bargain I could accept. I AM Grateful for so much.
My latest angel card is Ooniemme (Oon-ee-em), the Angel of gratitude. I must admit, I had a couple of you on my mind, along with myself, when meditating to pull a card, those that have lost spouses or deep loves. So when I drew Her, I was a bit perplexed....Be grateful? Be full of Gratitude? But the truth is, I am.....in many ways. I am grateful for this life, even with its pain, I'm grateful for the flowers and trees, family and friends, freedom and shopping malls to buy things in. I'm grateful for my new job, my truck, my home, the cabin, the little finch telling me to get lost. Having drank to the bottom a huge cup of grief, I think maybe these things seem somehow sweeter, clearer, I appreciate them more, knowing how fleeting things can be.
In the changing of the seasons, I find promise and hope. Life continues here without him, and I am relearning that I am alive. It will be 20 months tomorrow. I hate the 11th. I never thought I'd be able to do it, move back out into the stream of life. Of course, its not the same life, I am diminished, not the same person I was.
But lately, I am not so weighted down by grief, I'm laughing, enjoying movies, food, conversation, being with family and friends. It amazes me at times, and I'm sure it makes him happy. I feel like I'm on a path of healing, a journey of hope and trust. What do I have to lose? I have so much to gain..........
As saddened as I am by loss, I am full of gratitude for the rich friendship and love Rick has brought into my life. Thank you so much for so many, many things. I appreciate you!
Comments (6)
Those photos are absolutely gorgeous. I love the colours.
A friend once said something very wise to me that really made me think... I made the comment "time heals all wounds" and she said "time doesn't heal, love does".
Wow...be grateful...I shall indeed...
Loving that river shot I could sit there all day and just meditate and bask in the sun..
Thanks Shellie...I needed to read this one
much Luv Dorothea
Beautiful pictures and sentiments. I are right...it is better than to have love and lost than to never have loved at all. You have such a wonderful heart and outlook on life.
(BTW, I think that's a wren. The tail makes me think so if that tail was flicking up and down as it chittered at you. They are bad tempered when you get in their space.)
Thank you for your words of wisdom and encouragement. I hope you realize how much they mean to me.
I am honored to be a part of your life.
Beautifully expressed. It's hard for me to imagine that kind of loss, but I do know what it is to be loved and to love so greatly.
And those pictures are just breathtaking. One day I really must vacation in OR.
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