December 3, 2004

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                       Learning to be Thankful...

  
  

  I was unable to be Thankful a year ago, drowning under the memories...of you......
                         of Thanksgivings past.
  Willing to give anything.....pay any price, to hear you laugh again....
       to smell you...more than the foods of the Holidays, I wanted to smell you, taste you,
          because you had faded from your clothes, your pillow, your robe...
  I would have traded my life for yours, and still would.
                  How you enjoyed life,... how you loved to just live, to be, to love.....
                                      to love me, to love our children
  It's so unfair, that someone who relished each minute of life, took joy in so many things,
                gave friendship and help to so many, (in how many weddings were you best man?)
                        would be given a life so short................it's so very unfair
  And last year, I was angry, so very angry, and sick with loss, and sad, and hopeless...miserable.

  
  

  Then came Time, that wonderful/awful thing, that with each sunset, takes me farther from you,
        yet allows me to breathe without pain again, to laugh, to look forward.....
  Now, to you, my dear one, I can finally say "Thank you"........
  
  Thank you for loving me, marrying me, sharing your life with me, of all the people you could have chosen...
  
  Thank you for these wonderful children, I'm honored to have been your childrens mother..
  
  Thank you for not running when I decided the night I met you that I was going to marry you...
      and for walking down the aisle with someone you had only known 3 months and 10 days....
  
  Thank you for loving my family, and working hard to get along with them....
  
  Thank you for working so hard for so many years, you did it for us, not yourself, the ultimate sacrifice..
  
  Thank you for showing me how wonderful an unselfish person is, such a rarity....
  
  Thank you for teaching me to give more than take, to let the little things go
  
  Thank you for being so totally committed to me, unconditional love is the ultimate gift...
  
  Thank you for making sure I was taken care of should something happen to you, you saved my life....

  
  

  Thank you for showing me how to see the bright side of things, to expect the best from people,
                 to kindly not notice when their best is not given..I know I let you down sometimes

  
  

  Thank you for buying annual passes to Disneyland, for countless trips to Yosemite, Monterey, Belknap.....
                              just because I loved these places so much.

  
  

  Thank you for the many, many cards you gave me over the years..........now I take them out a few at a time..... and read them, and remember that you thought I was special, and I feel special all over again.

  
  

  These are of course, just a part of the things I can be thankful for now, there's too many to list.  But you know my heart, and you know I truly am thankful for every moment, even the bad times, the scary times, the tense times.  I'm thankful, so thankful.........

  
  

  And I know you so well, I know what you think about my life, I know you are watching, I know you want the best for me, for me to be happy, and I know.........without doubt, that if you could, you'd do this.......

  
  

  

  
  

  Like A Stone
  
  On a cobweb afternoon
  In a room full of emptiness
  By a freeway I confess
  I was lost in the pages
  Of a book full of death
  Reading how we'll die alone
  And if we're good we'll lay to rest
  Anywhere we want to go
  
  (chorus)
  In your house I long to be
  Room by room patiently
  I'll wait for you there
  Like a stone I'll wait for you there
  Alone
  
  On my deathbed
  I will pray
  To the gods and the angels
  Like a pagan to anyone
  Who will take me to heaven
  To a place I recall
  I was there so long ago
  The sky was bruised
  The wine was bled
  And there you led me on
  
  (chorus)
  In your house I long to be
  Room by room patiently
  I'll wait for you there
  Like a stone
  I'll wait for you there
  Alone
  
  And on I read
  Until the day was done
  And I sat in regret
  Of all the things I've done
  For all that I've blessed
  And all that I've wronged
  In dreams until my death
  I will wander on

  
  

  audioslave
   

  • 12:39 am
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