February 10, 2005

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  Well, I must acknowledge the generosity and warm, understanding heart of this wonderful man.  He has gone out of his way to be kind and helpful to me.  I know it has to be tough, watching someone you love trying to come to terms with a mountain of memories, and the ghost of a dearly departed. This man is solid gold, and I love him a bunch.

  
  

  I've been staying at night with my nephews, while my brother and sis-in-law are in Las Vegas.  That has been good for Rick, actually, because I've been pacing the floors (although he heartily disagrees with this summation), and had I been in the same home with him, I would have kept him awake.  But tonite he came and gave me bunches of kisses and hugs, and took me out for some dinner and "us" time for a couple of hours.  My son and his girlfriend cleaned on the house while I was gone, it is sparkling!  I really am so blessed.

  
  

  

  
  

  And here's my girl, Penny, my sweet grey-beard.  She's an 8 year old Rott/Lab mix, and smarter than many humans I know.  My daughter picked her up out of a box of free puppies in front of a store one day in 96.  I swear she understands a couple of hundred different words and phrases.  I used to tell her to go get the kids or Bob for me, and she would go to the room they were in and growl at them to let them know I wanted them. "Go get Kristy", or "Go get Daddy", I would tell her, and she would come get me if Bob told her to "Go get mommy".  After Bob died, the kids would ask her "Where's daddy?" and she would whine and look around.  After a few weeks, she would go sit by his closet, where his clothes were.  I guess it was the strongest scent left of him.  She's been concerned about me the last few days, so I've been getting this look quite often:

  
  

  

  
  

  About 3 months after Bob died, she developed an immune disease and nearly died, too.  I think her heart was broken from all of the sadness, and missing her dad, her bestest pal who would share his corndog with her.  She had to have a type of chemotherapy to kill her white cells and then two blood transfusions, and take Prednisone and some other meds for months. She also developed cancer in her ear, you can see in the photos that one of her ears is now shorter than the other, that is from the two surgeries to remove it.  I had to take her in every week for a blood test.  It cost me a couple thousand dollars and she was still dying.

  
  

  I remember after fighting the blood disease all summer, she was so weak and thin, couldn't even stand up anymore.  I took her in to the vet.  The vet sat down beside me and said "I think she knows she's dying, and I don't know how to change her mind".  Now, I did NOT want another family member dying, was not in the mood for that at all.  I was so frustrated, I had drove her hundreds of miles, taking her to the ICU for dogs up in Portland, let her out to pee every 30 minutes for months (Prednisone makes them drink tons of water and feel hungry all the time), hid her food and fed her carrots, I was not about to give up!

  
  

  So, I went home and I had a talk with Bob.........I went and sat by his ashes, and I told him that I needed him to come and tell her to stay with us.  I knew she missed him dearly, and he probably missed her too, but we NEEDED her.  We needed her here with us, we couldn't lose them both so close.  "So come on, Bobbers, tell her to stay, tell her to get well",  I cried and held the locks of his hair I have in a small box.

  
  

  I know most of you are deciding by now that I'm insane.  I've laid so much of my life bare these last few days as I've struggled with memories, tears and regrets, but I would bet my life that he came and had a little talk with her, because she was remarkably improved the next day, and continued to improve rapidly.  In fact, the next time at the vet, she barked when the vet came in, letting her (the vet) know that she (Penny) was in no mood to be poked with needles or have a thermometer stuck up her butt ever again.  She still growls low in her throat when I exit the freeway where the vets office is!  Ha!  What a diva.

  
  

   

  • 10:05 am
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