August 12, 2005
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This was my card he gave me from our 16 1/2 year anniversary. He gave me hundreds of cards over the years, and always wrote crazy things in them, and drew awful little stick figures and such. He would draw stuff all over the envelopes, too. He was so corny……..I’m glad I kept bunches of them. I asked Rick to read this one last night, just to see what a nice guy Bob was. I wish they could have known each other, they would have liked each other very much, I think.
It kind of made me irked at Bob to read that last part he wrote, about how he couldn’t even think of what life would be like without me……I got to do it……..but it has all turned out well for me, I know I’m going to be OK, and I thank him for that, for his boundless love for me, for our healthy relationship that allowed me to accept love again. I don’t know if he had a hand in my finding Rick, but I could not have found a kinder, sweeter, more loving man had I searched a hundred years. I feel like I’m a two time “Husband Lottery Winner”
This week is just tough for me, sorry………..not trying to be melodramatic, just trying to get stuff out from under my skin before I explode with it. February 11th and 14th are hard for me, cause they are his date of death, and Valentines Day, which was our 1/2 year Wedding Anniversay. Now I’m on the flip side, August, the half year of his death, and our Wedding Anniversary, this August 14th would have been 23 years. On the countdown for that one now. Then I should be OK.
Last night, I did the countdown of the night he died in my mind, you longtimers know what I’m talking about, and about 9 o’clock, I went into the bedroom, my anxiety was getting the better of me, and Rick came in and was so sweet, he held me as the tears leaked out of my eyes, and my mind relived those minutes…….right now, I’m running towards the hospital, right now, they’re pronouncing him dead……….etc., etc……….
It really wasn’t as painful as it has been in the past, getting a bit easier each time……..it helps having someone love you so much, and be concerned for you. Rick wished he could climb into my head and help me through it, seems he doesn’t understand how much he has already helped my heart………
Comments (34)
How nice to have someone who is so supportive of your “other love.” Because you didn’t stop loving your first husband, you can’t just shut out your feelings for him. You are a two time winner. Lucky you. And how wonderful to still have all that stuff. One day your kids will really appreciate being able to look at all that. When my grandmother died, we all went to her house and dug out the letters that my grandad had written her while they were”courtin’. we all sat on the floor in a circle and took turns reading the letters out loud. It was so funny some of the things that he said. And very fun to share that!
First, Shellie, those flowers are gorgeous…I hope they are in your yard…awesome.
Secondly, you went through a most difficult trauma when Bob died. No sickness, so that you could try and prepare, no long drawn out suffering, (thank heaven), It was sudden, and horrible, and never ending and tragic. And your love just got cut off..in a matter of a second. And then your brain had to try and wrap itself around the concept that Bob, the physical Bob, was no more. Horrible, horrible stuff. How can you ever be the same woman you were before this happened? You can’t. You shouldn’t even try. And it’s okay to hurt, maybe even forever. No one has a gauge for that. There are no lessons for you to take, to get past this. And the pain is still new. You are still standing there with a huge gash in your heart….it will heal, slowly but surely, it will heal, but you will always have a scar. Don’t feel badly because you still hurt. There’s no shame in it.
You are one lucky girl of a gun to have met and been loved by both of these incredible men, each wonderful in their own right. And you are one wonderful woman to be open and receptive to someone like Rick (who sounds like a rare gem to me), who obviously is nuts about you.
So have a huge cry. It’s good for the soul. Clear it all away for now. Life goes on and you are going on with it. Love to you, sweetie…and chin up!!! :lip_kiss:
The letter is so touching Shellie. What a sweetie he was but I truly believe that Bob did have a hand in you and Rick meeting. You really are blessed to find two great loves in your lifetime.
Dolce_Amara said it very well.
RYC: Speaking from experience, you do know that life is VERY precious.
xoxoxoxoxox
Are those flowers in your yard? I am jealous. What a sweet card!! You are so loved. I just read about your dream. THis is good for you to write down to deal with all you are feeling. It is good to let it out. I love your weekend photos!! What a great family you have! emlee
There is nothing worse than losing someone you love so much… I lost my mother when I was 16 and it has ALWAYS been her and I… She is the one who raised me by herself and we were a team… I thought my world had ended that day and it took many many many years before the hurt and the pain got a little easier… Only time will heal that broken heart but having Rick there SURE will make it easier along the way
I’m sure glad that you found someone as nice as Rick. Not too many guys would be as understanding about all this as he is.
I’m sure you both are very good for each other, as well.
Hopefully after this weekend it will get better! I’m prescribing lots of ice cream to you! And lots of Rick hugs. Could you have him give you one from me?
Shellie, don’t be sorry. What you experienced is something that is very hard to deal with. You are so fortunate to have Rick there for you, to support you and to love you. You were very much a two time winner in the husband lottery. *hugs*
sweet flowers and an even sweeter card!
i definitely think you’ve won the husband lottery…and deservedly so!

The flowers are lovely Shell. And I truly believe that Bob has never left your side. And perhaps he did help Rick to find you, so that you could live out your days happy and at peace. I’m glad you found someone to love. You seem like a very genuine loving person, and its always nice to hear stories like this.
Even though the death of Bob was tragic, and I know it must still be sad, you chose to go on and open your heart to someone who needed love. And thats a great gift. I’m sure Bob is staring down at you and he is at peace as well knowing you are happy in life. Rick seems like a very sweet man, and I’m happy that you found someone else to love.
*hugs*
Awww….I’m so glad you have your Rick, sounds like you really have won the husband lottery! That’s the best lottery to win. Someone told me once that grieving never gets easier, it’s just that the grieving times get further apart. I guess it’s the old cliche’, All you can do is take it one day at a time, and sometimes only one minute at a time.
Your flowers are gorgeous!!
This says it all…
“I thank him for that, for his boundless love for me, for our healthy relationship that allowed me to accept love again. ”
Shellie.
RITA.
The flowers are so gorgeous…..WOW. And you are such a dear sweet person. {{{{{{hugs}}}}}} Thank you Shellie, for sharing such a big piece of your heart. Your love is inspiring and you make me so grateful for my husband. We are 10 years apart in age, he being older, and I cherish every single day we have together. I always say my only wish was to have met him sooner than I did but for the 9 years we have been together we have loved a lifetime’s worth. Hope you have a great weekend.


On your anniversary remember all the wonderful times you and Bob shared. I’m sure he’ll be there again with you for this one. Hugs.
Aw, gosh, that almost had me crying. I know what you mean about anniversary syndrome. My mother died when I was only 23 and I have had the heebie-jeebies on the date of her death and her birthday ever since. Christmases also used to be awful, but I’ve learned to cope. (Not that the rest of the family is so great on that day, but that’s another story.) But I understand the feeling of dread. The important thing is that there is relief after its over–and it does get better with time.
Your garden is so lovely. I only wish I could have produced something like that this year, but with our drought, I’m lucky to have the few plants I have. Fortunately, our recent rain has coaxed the rose bushes back into producing buds. I got my first rose since June yesterday. It’s a start.
Lynn
Lots and lots of hugs.
I think you are indeed blessed to have found two such wonderful men in your life. That was such a sweet and boyish card he wrote, one would not have imagined it came so far into the marriage and thats proof to anyone just how in love you both were. I admire that.
Dear Shellie,
For Bob, passage into the Universal was instananeous, and peaceful. But for you, there will always be the spectre of unfinished business, and this is why you go through the same pain riddled rituals. Eventually, with Rick’s love and support, which he already exhibits greatly, you will heal. Maybe not completely. Losing a husband is hard. Losing a loved one at so young an age and so suddenly is deeply sad. But you are blessed to have found another great husband in the “lottery”. And it seems like you hit the jackpot twice.
Michael F. Nyiri, poet, philosopher, fool
I HATE rollercoasters girl, but you are sure right about that one.
Hey, you tell Rick HE ROCKS! He has got to be the most loving, understanding, compassionate man I’ve ever heard about. . . your right, you did win the great husband lottery. . . twice!~K.K.
I am sorry for your pain. This has got to be a very difficult time for you.
Thinking of you…..
It seems to me that you & Rick were meant to be together from the beginning. That hardly seems coincidental, lucky or a matter of good timing. I believe that from the moment Bob passed, he set about getting you ready for the day that you and Rick would be together. I believe that he knew you had enough love in your heart for both of them. And like flowers, a single blossom all alone is pretty but when the flowers are thriving in a garden, they compliment each other and the world sees them at their most beautiful.
ryc: Separated at birth? No wonder I love you so much!
The card is so sweet………and your flowers are absolutely beautiful. I hope you had a wonderful weekend.
Hugs to you and I’ll see you soon.
Love Steph :eyes_wink: :lip_kiss: :eyes_wink: :lip_kiss: :eek: :femmeblnd:
After suffering a trauma like that, you are entitled to those moments. I’m glad Rick is there for you~
Love you~
S2
My sweet wonderful Shellie … I know how you suffer and I also know how with Rick’s love you will be able to survive the anniversaries by remembering the happy times. Yes, you have won the Wonderful Husband Lottery and you deserve it. However, there are two men who won the Wonderful Wife Lottery. *HUGS*
That card was so beautiful. What a lovely treasure.
I’m very aware that today would have been yours and Bob’s 23rd wedding anniversary. *HUGS*
Oh, a half year anniversary. I don’t think it’s “luck” that you found two wonderful husbands. Not at all.
I sure hope you have considered framing some of those photos, because they are good, and they will look incredible in the right mat and frame. You can submit them electronically to Costco and get a pretty good size.
Rick im sure is a nice guy..but I think hes prolly the lucky one out of the deal
You hang in there one day you will be able to see your bobbers again. Remember …the flesh dies, but the spirit lasts forever
PLT
You have such a great hubby! Thinking of you!