October 2, 2005
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You did it. After standing at the edge of the nest and flapping your wings, threatening to fly………….you took that step, out into the big unknown. I knew it would be painful for me to watch you fly away, but I had no idea, the new hole in my heart……..I miss you, sweet girl, already, I miss you…..
How can you spend so much time loving a child, encouraging, worrying about, wanting to strangle, giving money, going to movies with, laughing with, listening to their plans and dreams, dreaming for them…………..how can they just pack up and move 7 hours away? I’m torn between pride and an ulcer. I keep telling myself it wont be long, and she’ll be back. Maybe by Christmas……she’ll hate the job, get sick of the boyfriend, sick of Reno, and come back home. Come back home to her brother and I. She cried all day long on Friday, came by again on Saturday morning, on her way out of town, and cried again.
I took her dads medal off my key ring and gave it to her. “So he can find you”, I say, my throat tight. I will him to stay by her and keep her safe. I will him to make sure she gets back home, so I can see her, touch her, hug her…….Please, come back home!, I whisper silently as I kiss her hair…My voice says out loud, “You’ll be Okay, this is a great life experience for you, you’re going to be alright……”.
But I remember-
I remember when I left the nest…….
It was never the same when I came home again. It was my moms house, and although I could visit, my home was somewhere else.
That river of life, it just keeps flowing………right now, it’s drowning me…..
Comments (45)
My parents are still asking that — and i’m 44
Our job is to make so that they do not need us… so we spend our lives do that and preparing them for the world for leaving us — but no one prepares us :waaahh:
it does get easier my friend! :innocent: u done good
BIG, BIG HUG!!!
No one can explain that curious feeling of emptiness that a recently flown child leaves behind, except those of us who have let them go. It does get easier, it really does.
Love you~
Sandy
What a beautiful entry.
RYC…yeah, I am not looking forward to him being gone. But, that is what I have prepared him for all these years!
btw: sometimes, once in a while, I am on AIM, and I saw your SN on your Xanga site, so I put that on my list. Sometimes I see you on. Would you mind if I talked to you on occasion?
~L~
Yes lady…it’s going to hurt….Yes lady….things are not going to be the same, but you have suceeded. You don’t have children to harbor them and keep them home for their lives, you have them so that they can go fourth and continue. You have done what very few parents have been able to do. You have released a good person into this world. I’m sure with time she will come back home and visit. Things will never be the same, but like you said…the river of life is flowing. Give her your blessings and watch her flourish. Sit back and catch her if she falls, but remember to sit back.
PLT
Oh my goodness, this made me cry Shellie. What a beautiful entry.
RYC..
I am a ding-dong! I was going to click on your name, under the comment you left me, but I accidently clicked the delete one instead. DUH!! :hammer:
And hellacool…I will definitely IM you sometime soon, hehe!
Come one Queen Shellie! Come see my new site for the blog ring “Kween of the Queens”. . .and join the blog ring! You are, after all, Rick’s Queen! Come on, say you will. . .. you know you wanna!~K.K.
I can’t imagine what it is like to have them move that far away. ((((hugs))))
Aw man ! Best wishes to her AND you. Good luck !
RYC: You’re welcome Shellie. Happy Halloween to you and your family!
You made me cry again. I know how I felt when my sister moved away and how I felt when I moved away. My parents missed the heck out of me, but never said one negative word to me. It’s hard, though. It’s good reading that you don’t want her to go, instead of praying she would leave.
I’m sure she’ll do whatever her head says she should. We all do. Right or wrong. That’s what life is about, ever moving forward, living life, the cycles repeating themselves. Things will be different, but the love won’t be any less, only stronger. And the respect you get for your parents, after you have to forge ahead on your own…it’s a real eye opener.
You’re a good mom, Charlie Brown. You know you’re loved. And I know you’ve given her a strong foundation to live on. You and Bob. So, just bite the old bullit, cry for a while, and then be happy. She’s doing exactly what you have raised her for…to live her own life!! I love you….
You are a wonderful mother. You are a wonderful human. You are a wonderful wife and friend. Leaving the nest is inevitable but easier to speak of than to experience–especially for Moms. Dads miss the fledglings but nothing like those who bore them. You have my heart and I am yours. She’ll be fine. Chin up my good woman. Chin up. :lip_kiss:
It means you did your job well.
(((HUGS))) That tugged at my heart strings.
This has to be so hard. None of mine have left the nest yet and I know I will feel like you when our youngest does move on one day in his life. This is so beautifully written and you had me bawling. And thank you for your comment….you truly DO understand exactly how I feel. This was so comforting to me and I really am so glad I met you on here {{{{{Shellie}}}}} I hope she comes home soon.
My heart aches for you. I am feeling the same way, and my son comes home every weekend–although this weekend was just to drop off his laundry and then go to his father’s house. I feel so useless. Even doing the laundry feels like something useful I can do for him. We are so close. So close. And to have him gone like this, and in college classes every minute so that I can’t even talk to him on the phone, well it’s killing me. So I understand. It’s a terrible transition we have to go through, but I guess we come through it okay.
Lynn
/hugs
It reminds me of how my own mother felt/feels. All three of us left, one 5 hours, two left tx, one to alaska, one in cali. It will make the visits that much more special:)
Oh my gosh, that was excruciating to read. :worried:
Sheesh it’s hard being a mom…a parent.
I don’t understand how you’re supposed to let me grow and go. Some people can’t wait for their children to grow up and leave but I’ve always struggled in that area so much so that I’ve felt abnormal. But after reading your entry, I know that I’m not.
I pray that everything does work out for your daughter and that this transition will being a time of growth for all involved. :grouphug:
my heart aches for you. I am going through the same thing. We prepare for them to go, we want them to but that hole in your heart still hurts. It it is any consolation, it does get easier as time goes on. My house is so quiet. It is a good time to redecorate for me. I know your living situation is different so maybe a time shifting is good for you. Do someting fun in that time you would have spent with her. Create something to share with her when she calls or visits. Good luck! keep your smile on! emlee
I feel your pain! When my eldest son went off to college I called often…OK, REALLY OFTEN…he tells me the joke in the dorm was, “If the phone is ringing it must be Doug’s Mom”…by the end of September he asked me if perhaps I shouldn’t go in to Dr. Murphy (out family psych) and get some counseling! LOL..But it is now 6 years later, I have graciously understood that it was way more painful for me than for him…he is now teaching in Japan…and yes, when he comes for visits, it is just that, a visit, since it is no longer his home…sad for me…but GREAT for him, I agree with one of the other comments…, it means you’ve done your job. Now, dry off those tears and go out and buy a phone card, those phone bills can be murder!
Oh my! You brought tears to my eyes. What a good Mom you are.
Watch your girl go and pray that she enjoys life. This is a new chapter for the both of you. Have a great week!!!
you raised her well and she’ll do great!!!!
A beautiful gesture, with her dad’s medal.
My heart breaks with yours; you have me in tears.
I will pray for her as I am sure you are.
L,r
That’s tough. Bad enough she’s taken flight, but so far away? I’m sure she’ll be fine, but I know you will still worry for her. It’s a mother’s job. *hugs*
Hi, The love of a mother is so meaningful; is it any wonder. Just look at the love you radiate for your children. You are a great mom and even though she has moved away, she is so close in many ways. She will always be in touch with you…..and you her. Our motherhood is never over…….we just have to allow our children the wings to fly……….my day will be here soon so I’m really trying to mentally prepare because none of us are exempt from this reality….unfortunately. I think we mom’s ALWAYS have one eye open :eyes_wink: looking out for our children no matter how old they become.
Bless your heart…I’m sure that was horrible. The day I packed up to leave my parents house to get married, I cried the entire day. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. My thoughts and prayers are with you. My daughter is 3 but I already dread the day when she doesn’t need Mommy anymore.
Leaving a lump in my throat. . .I know that when one of mine leaves I’ll be feeling the exact same way. You raise them to take care of themselves, to become contributing memebers of society, but the thought of them actually leaving is just scary. . .especially so far away!~ :waaahh:K.K.
I’m praying for you and yours.
They are right, she is doing what you have raised her to do…to live her life. You are a good mom.
Its so hard to leave…
I’m am sure this will turn out very good :biggrin:
Best wishes. your friend,
Tina
Brittany is 11 and my entire world is wrapped up in her and my husband. My world revolves around them. I am hell bent on helping Brittany grow into a mature, responsible, able and ready adult. I talk to her and prepare her even now for adult life. She is learning how to cook, clean, budget, learn about responsibilities and the consequences when we chose not to meet this world’s expectations. Maybe a bit much for 11, but she will be a functioning adult with ADHD. I love her more than this world and can’t imagine her moving 7 hours from me.
I am recalling a year ago, when I told my mother that I was leaving Florida to move back to Virginia. She was heart-broken and I felt like I was really letting her down. I wanted to stay there, to take care of her, to hang out with her. Our relationship when I was a child, well, it sucked. We were just starting to make headway and really become friends. But I had to do what I had to do for my marriage, and my daughter. My husband longed to be closer to his children; my daughter closer to his father. So I sacrificed my feelings for those whom I love.
Hearing your feelings, though, make me miss her. Thank you for reminding me how much I love her, and how much she loves me. I’m going to call her first thing in the morning.
{{{hugs}}}
I feel your pain but only a slight difference…..yours is a 7 hr drive away! Boo! Hoo! I would find that a little hard to handle too! But we were all kids once and we all turned out OK!
I moved to Grafton ND when I was 17 and continued my education, graduated and worked 2 jobs! Had my own place and a lot of fun!
She will always be your little girl. If you need to take your mind off things we are stuffing bags with candy tomorrow night! Please join the party, I am making stir fry! Yum!
Chels & Kate surprised me with Spaghetti when I got home tonight! Good girls! Love them!
See ya for Survivor on Thursday?????? Call me!
I love Spongebob too!
I agree with everyone else, you are a great mom and you did your job well. Things will get easier with time…..
hang in there…you’ll soon be out of the river and feel totally refreshed.
Hello????? You are missed
Oh my goodness girlfriend…I use to say “when my son and I go to college” oh well, he may want to go with out me.
I do NOT even want to think about C leaving the nest! I know, I know. Only two more years and he’ll be 18, but how many kids leave home anymore?
RYC: I haven’t had good Fried Okra since my gramma died. She always made it nice and crisp, almost burnt. Do you have a good recipe? I know she used flour and cornmeal, but I don’t know in what amounts.
Once when I was at band camp ..I ……………………..
Interesting site! Random props! Hit me back nugget!
This post made me cry. I have both my children live close by and I know how lucky I am. Today they were both here for lunch, I just called them and suggested they come round if they hadn’t anything better to do, outside the rain was ripping across the town like an angry lion. :grrr: If they hadn’t been near.IF. I know that a parent has to let go, my reasoning says, I just am so darn unreasonable when it comes to my kids. Love you Shellie. forgive this lousy comment.
RITA.
I have three little growing-up-too-fast girls and this made me cry thinking of what’s ahead. (sigh) Is there some magic potion to freeze them just the way they are now? Well, minus the tantrums and peeing on the couch?
Shellie!!!! WUAH!!! *BIG HUG*
I want to hold my L and never let her go! She keeps talking about how she wants to go far away to college! Cornell is at least in NYS! She’s mentioning Indiana, Massachusetts, even Switzerland! WUAH!!
So what happened? We raise them to hopefully become strong independent adults and when we succeed, and they leave, we collapse inside? Our hearts are saddened and we miss them like it’s our full-time job. Is wishing for them to come home fair? So many hugs to you, dearest Shellie! It’s gonna be my turn in less than two years (OMG!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!) and I’m gonna need your shoulder to cry on and experience to comfort me. In the meantime, I’ll secretly hope Reno is not for her and that she goes back home. And if not, then I wish her all the happiness in the world.