December 24, 2005
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Sometimes my blog is like Dumbledore’s Pensieve, just a place to store things that I need to get out of my head.
That’s what I’m doing right now, so feel free to move on - Merry Christmas to all of you, and I’m grateful for all the wonderful friends I’ve met on this amazing invention called the internet. I’ve found some true “sisters at heart” and even a few “brothers” that I like to tease and give a hard time. Thank you all for your friendships!
Now for the stuff I need to get out of the back of my mind…..
There are some small towns around Eugene, and three of them, Junction City, Coburg and Harrisburg, have their little “Parade of Lights” usually the Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday before Christmas. We would decorate up a Lane County Fire Engine, and then there’s a little float you attach to the back, and Santa rides on his chair, waving to the crowds, while his “elfs” throw candy to the kids. Then the Parade winds up at the Grange Hall, or the Moose Lodge or wherever, and they would carry Santa’s chair in, where he would sit and hand out candy-canes and listen to little kids Christmas wishes. For the last three Christmases of his life, Bob was this Santa. He loved every minute of it, and never complained of the rain or cold, or body pillows, or how sweaty he would get, he just loved doing it. He always loved kids.
The Christmas of 2001, my brother, his wife, and their almost 2 year old terror of a daughter named Jera came for Christmas, and were staying at my dad’s house. Of course, Bob decided he needed to stop by on his way out to the parade and be Santa for Jera. So he stopped by in full regailia, and “HoHoHo”ed for her and let her climb all over him and gave her a present. He wouldn’t let me go, because he didn’t want her to see me and wonder where “Uncle Bob”, or “Untle Bob” (as she said it) was. She was already in love with him, and was disappointed if I would come over without him.
So after he leaves, my brother says to Jera “Isn’t that so wonderful that Santa came to see you?!” and she looks up from her toy and says “Santa Untle Bob!”. They were flabbergasted that she figured that out, he had changed his voice and everything. Then later, when watching Christmas shows, she would point at the TV and squeal “Santa Untle Bob! Santa Untle Bob!”. My brother says “Thanks a lot Bob! Now she thinks you and Santa are the same guy!” We all had a good laugh.
Now, Santa’s everywhere, and every once in a while, when I see one, I hear Jera’s voice “Santa Untle Bob!”
My old in-laws are back to their old selves. When Bob was alive they went out of their way to make sure I knew my place, that I was NOT one of them. Then after he died, all of a sudden they accepted me, and treated me like an adult, and it was so refreshing after all those years. Now that I’ve remarried – back to the old ways!
They sent 3 presents in the mail, one for Kristy, one for Bobby, and one made out to “Shellie, Rick and Rachel”, in it was an 8 Ounce package of Risotto! hahahahahaha! My son says to me “You’re OUT!” and we laughed. Then a little later he says “Well, just so you know you’re not one of us anymore…..” with an impish look on his face.
I think about that, and I know in my heart I never was “one of them”…………I shared their son’s life on a deeper and more loving level than they were ever privileged to, because their behaviour, like the Risotto slam, pushed me away, and in turn, pushed him away, because he loved me best.
I’ve gone from one daughter to three in the past couple of years. I have Kristy, Rick’s daughter Rachel, and my son’s fiance, Sammi. I did not play favorites in the present buying game, I got things for Sammi, just like I would for Kristy. Sammi, Rachel, Kristy and Bobby all have stockings stuffed with goodies hanging over my mantle. They are all family to me. I don’t ever want to make Rachel or Sammi think they are people I put up with just because “some wedding happened and now you have to be here, but could you please sit at the other end of the table”……………my old in-laws re-inforce this inside of me, if they only knew what influence they’ve had over my life.
Even now, they are able to make me feel small.
Comments (24)
I fully understand. My mother-in-law is pretty much the same way. Before my wife and I had her first grandchild, I was a temporary fixture. The phrase most often heard was “when are you leaving John?” Not because I am a terrible person, but because I was with her daughter. Then after Avery, I am accepted. I guess it is in some way like having her grandchild for ransom. Silly people.
Merry Christmas.
If you’re given risotto make a feast!!
You know in your heart that they are the ones missing out. They can’t make you feel small if you don’t let them. Don’t buy into it.
Have yourself a merry little Christmas, Shellie.
that’s so cool! now i’ll look at santa in a whole new way! now santa will be uncle bob santa!
sounds like you’re makin’ lemonade out of lemons. it’s their loss if they are purposfully trying to “dis” you.
a big merry christmas to you and all your family!!
*hugs*
What a sweet Christmas Santa story. Probably the best I’ve ever heard. Bob was a true doll.
I feel sorry for the EX in-laws. They have absolutely no idea what they’re missing because they don’t draw you close and into their lives. How sad that they don’t want the love from the woman who loved their son so much. To go through life, so stupid, and so cold, and to be so cruel, only speaks to the fact that they are truly two miserable humans. They give people a bad name.
I’ve decided that there are those that truly don’t know HOW to love. They just can’t extend their hearts to anyone outside their own family circle, and even in their case, the love for Bob is questionable. If they loved Bob, they would have to love you. You were closer to him than anyone on the planet. You’re not a bad person or some low life slouch who mistreated him, or cheated on him, or was abusive to him. I know you took great care of him.
It’s strange behavior, and not productive. They don’t seem to realize, that one day, the kids may not want to be around them, because of the way they’ve treated you. They may risk losing more than they know. The also don’t know how easy it would be for them to have you in their lives. I believe that you would feel even closer to Bob, because they are his parents. But, maybe that’s the thing they want to keep from you. You took their son. He loved you more than them. You may always be the thorn in their asses. So be it.
Drop the rosotto off at a church or care center or Salvation Army.
I think at this point in your life, now that you and Rick are partners in life, that you should try and find a way to wipe them from your life. If your children choose to keep a relationship with them, fine. But you shouldn’t feel obligated in any way, to continue the farce they have created.
I insist that you forget their petty behavior, throw it in the trash with the rest of the garbage, and enjoy the beauty of the day. You have far too many people in your life, who love you dearly, to let two old crotchety buttheads bring you down. Old farts..hahahhaha they stink!!!!
I love you Shelliebeans…you know I do.
Give the hottie a big hug and kiss for me, and get on with the festivities. That’s what Bob would do.
They are jealous that you have much more GRAND memories of their son than they do – sad that at their age they can’t act like adults and realize what a FABOO person you are
All us xanga folks know it – shame on them 
Merry Christmas to you and your family – I hope it’s a FABULOUS day!
Sherri
You know you aren’t. You know they are wrong…why are you afraid to just put your shoulders back and be large? That’d be a pretty good Christmas present to yourself. To be amused rather than insulted when they send stupid gifts. How sad their lives must be to resort to such belittling behaviors? Pffft to them I say. Twice. Pffft Pffft.
Merry Christmas my little tree hugger! I’m loving you more and more all the dang time!
Understand the whole in-law thing. But with me it wasn’t so Mom and Dad as it was the sister-in-law. And she had a way of controling things. But I am glad to hear you have fond memories of those Christmas’ even when you were treated badly. Wish I could say the same. Have a Merry Christmas.
I never could understand why people have to be so small and cold-hearted. How wonderful that you had Bob’s love for the years you did, and now have the delightful Rickster in your life. And, of course, all your xangan buddies love you, too!
Have a fabulous Christmas!
My in laws treat me pretty good. I am sorry you have been through that.
RYC: Thank you. *sniff*
I hope you have a beautiful Christmas…and a wonderful New Year!
please dont let them spoil your holiday. *hugs*
I don’t have in-laws.Thank you God!
Have a wonderful Christmas!
WORDS OF WISDOM: Say what you mean and mean what you say— no one can make you feel any way you choose not to feel! I know you are STRONG and you can move past all of this
What goes around comes around for those people……If you push shit around the circle it comes back in your face!!!!!! I love all the comments above. Treating people differently or making them feel unimportant is not nice and as light and fluffy says they only make you feel that way if you let them.
BTW take a look at the doggy called Jimmy with a bow on his neck….he looks like your dog. cheers and happy days.
Merry Christmas to you too my Eugene friend! Best of everything sweetie!~K.K.
I’ll never understand how a parent can treat so poorly the one person who loves thier child as much or more than they do. My MIL has the same cold shoulder. Sometimes it is more than I can stand. Big hugs for you (
) Throw that bag of hatefulness away and out of sight and have a wonderful day today! 
It’s funny—my in-laws are fabulous, and they love me. It’s my own parents who want very little to do with me. Go figure!
Merry Christmas, Shellie.
Blended families are hard. I still remember the first Christmas with my new (and current) hubby. My son was in a huge sulk ever since we moved to this house. We were about 1/4 mile away from the old house but he felt ripped away from friends and had to go to a new school (which turned out to be horrid). On that Christmas, my husband was all set to impress him and gave him a new bicycle and my son almost turned his back on him. Son wanted to know what good a bike was in the winter. Poor Brad, his face just fell.
It’s taken years to get them to have a relationship and, still, it’s all about sports. They really don’t talk to each other. I think my son is still secretly jealous of another “man” in my life. After all, it was just him and me against the world for all of his young life. Nothing can change that. He just has to adapt.
Your family will too.
Hugs to you and have a wonderful day.
Lynn
Dearest Shellie,
Despite your ex-inlaws, I know you will have a wonderful Christmas because you are all about love, as your future daughter-in-law already knows. So just concentrate on your family and have a blast. The Scrooges are lucky that your kids still want them in their lives.
Thank you for sharing your lovely memories about Bob. What an amazing man he was. And now you have another amazing man. See? You’re a wonderful lady and that is your reward.
Love you! HUGS to you and Rick!
Its sad they can make you feel small. Just know you are “big”. Bigger than them in so many ways simply by being the good and loving person you are. Sad for them, that they missed out on all that you gained. Blessings:)
Sweetie, you are anything but small – You are a warm-hearted and loving person and it is their loss that they never gave you a chance. How sad for them. Please be encouraged this Christmastime. May your entire holiday season be filled with your warm and loving family and all the joy they can bring.
{{{hugs}}} Aren’t you glad you aren’t like them?
See, that’s what family’s meant to be like. Because I live in the UK, the first time I met my brother’s (now wife, then girlfriend) they had already been together for five years or so. I was petrified that she wasn’t going to like me – or that I wouldn’t think she was good enough for my brother. But all I needed to know – that she loves him and looks after him and makes him happy – I saw, and that’s good enough for me. The fact that she’s great is just a bonus for me