POWER OUTAGE DURING A MAMMOGRAM
I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, ‘Hi! I’m Belinda!’ This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, ‘All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?’
I’m thinking, ‘Belinda, try decaf. This ain’t rocket science.’
Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.
With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, ‘Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?’
‘Fine’, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off?
My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off!
‘Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag.’ Belinda headed for the door.
‘Excuse me! You’re not leaving me in this vise alone are you?’ I shouted.
Belinda kept going and said, ‘Oh, you fussy puppy…the door’s wide open so you’ll have the emergency hall lights. I’ll be right back.’
Before I could shout ‘NOOOO!’ she disappeared.
And that’s exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life, and the other part smashed between glass!
After exchanging polite ‘Hi, how’s it going’ type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.
Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible ‘Uh, yes, yes I did thanks.’
‘You bet, take care’ Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I’d been standing in the line at the grocery store.
Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, ‘Oh I am sooo sorry!’ The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?’
And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps…. | 
Comments (14)
ohhhh SHELLIE, if it were not real it would be comical——–wow, Head between the clamps? did you report her? omg….
a big bog hug my lovely friend xoxoxoxoxox
RITA
Oh crap!! At first I thought this had happened to you but by the time I read two hours had passed, I realized your tit would have fallen off by then, so I knew this was a joke!!!!! muahahahaa!!!!!
Only her head? you were way nice :poo:
No it’s a joke someone sent me. I always leave a mammogram feeling like a completely skinned chicken. I’d like to think there are ways to wriggle out, but having been there, there’s no way I’d get my nipple back through!:rockon:
Thank God that was a joke. Good grief.
I thought it really happened to you until I got to the part about the 2 hour wait. And the Shellie Beans I know would have made enough noise that the entire hospital would have heard her if she were left in there. But I was thinking- dang I thought I had a bad mamogram! LOL:bowdown:
I love it! I can always count on you to have the best jokes. Is it your dinner time? I hope not ’cause I’m gonna call you. Love you bunches.
I’m just grateful that there is no such thing as a manogram.:whistle:
You should be! I thought torture was done away with in the Geneva Conventions.:moon:
I thought it was you until I got to the “two hours” part. Nah!!! Shellie would have torn that thing out of the wall!!!
What hours are you keeping these days?
Yep someone’s gonna get hurt in that situation. I want to smack them in an ordinary test.
:sheep:I passed out at my mammogram…no kidding. :sheep:
For a second there I thought you were being serious. I was like, “WTF???” lol